Things I hate about myself....and others

This is a list that will probably grow exponentially. or Not. The title is self-explanatory.


1. I hate that I am powerless to end a conversation. Even if the person I'm listening to is a moron who has repeated the same sentence 400 times, I just can't walk away while they are talking. I'm trapped there.

2. I hate the red head who sits in the only park bench that has an ashtray next to it and reads her book. She doesn't even smoke. When I walk up to put my cigarette in the ashtray, she sneers. Or at least I think she would. I don't actually walk up to put my cigarette in the ashtray out of respect for her. I just throw it on the ground at the place I'm standing, located exactly 25 feet from the main entrance. She'd probably sneer at me throwing my butt on the ground, too.

3. I hate the denial caused by obvious political bias. In myself and others.

4. I hate Barack Obama. He's the Muslim Antichrist who voted to set babies on fire and feed them to dogs after teaching them sex ed.

5. I hate soda bottle caps that tell you to log into the internet and enter their code to win a free coke. Why can't they just print "Free Coke" on the cap. It worked for how many years?

6. I hate waiters who ask me "Would you like some more water?" when my meal hasn't even arrived yet. Of course I'd like some more water.....idiot.

7. I hate when I compose a great song or story in the shower and forget to write it down after I get out and then can't remember anything about it when I think about it later.

8. I hate when I look down at my watch and realize I've accidentally worked 10 minutes past when I was supposed to leave. And I'm not getting paid for it.

9. I hate when I snap or say something disparaging to my son.

10. I hate when I order the "hottest wings ya got" and they taste like the only seasoning used was ketchup. I hate when people spell ketchup "catsup"

11. I hate when stray cats eat my cat's food and then won't let me pet them.

12. I hate when people walk up an escalator. They look like idiots. Walking down an escalator is okay, though.

13. I hate that I'm embarrassed about making noise while going to the bathroom. Even when I'm in a stall with the door shut, I wait until the bathroom is completely empty before I risk making a poot sound.

14. On dancefloors: I hate the guy who things he literally has to butt-hump his girlfriend to every single song that plays. I hate people who dance with beer bottles in their hands. I hate the expression on the faces of 40-something redneck women when "Mustang Sally" comes on.

That's it for now. More later.