I thought I knew how to party

My youngest son will be 6 years-old in a few weeks. As the norm, we're running around scrambling to figure out what we will do for a birthday party.

When I was a child, our birthday parties consisted of a handful of friends coming to my house, eating cake and ice cream, and maybe playing a few games like pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.

If the weather was nice, we'd run around outside.

But this generation is different. Maybe it's because my son goes to preschool in a neighborhood that lies adjacent to a country club.

Each month, we are invited to one of his classmates parties. They are typically held in a place that houses a half dozen of those inflatable moon-walk type rides. The cost is approximately $20 per child. So, for about an hour, your kid can play with his 10 closet friends for a little over $200. Of course, you'll still need to provide any food, cake, paper products, invitations, goody bags, drinks, balloons, and anything else you might desire. So, you're looking at about $400 before you've bought your kid his first birthday present.

I just can't do it. Partly, it's the money. Well, mostly it's the money. But the other thing is that it's so damn unoriginal. We've been to probably 2 dozen parties in those bouncy houses. Even the kids seem a little bored by it all.

So, each year we try to think of something different. The first year was simple. A party at the house with a couple dozen family and friends eating cake and opening presents. No biggie.

Age 2 was a complete disaster. We invited about 6 of his friends to a party at our house. Only one kid actually came. I was disparaged for my son. I was hoping he wouldn't notice. Now that I reflect on it, our party probably just wasn't cool enough to come to.

At age 3, we took the easy way out. We actually had his party AT his preschool. We just arranged to do the Saint Patrick's Day party and since his birthday was the same week, we kinda changed it to Sawyer's birthday party before anyone noticed. It was a little shady but effective. Plus the kids were forced to be there. We didn't have to worry about no-shows.

By age 4, we knew we had to do something a little more special. So, we checked around and, again, everything cost too much. I called Chuck E Cheese and found out that a party there would run about $200. So, we improvised. We did our own party there by inviting 5 of his friends, ordering a couple of pizzas, and giving the kids all $5 in tokens. It ended up costing about $100 instead.

When age 5 came, our parental guilt had become complete. We knew we had to do something special. Something that no other kid could ever lay claim to doing. We brainstormed and decided to have a pony-ride. By the time it was all finished, it was much more than that.

We had a beautiful spring day in the country at my inlaw's. Along with the pony ride, we were able to rent a complete petting zoo. We had snakes, baby ducks, every farm animal imaginable, and some other exotic things. We also had our very own Wendy's frosty machine, a concession stand popcorn popper, a pinata, outdoor games, a full cook-out. You name it, we had it.

It was the best birthday party I've ever attended.

This year, I've looked at bowling parties ($150), jumping parties ($250), pool parties ($225), Celebration Station parties ($280).

I wasn't really happy with any of them.

My wife suggested having a party at McDonald's. I called and checked the prices. For a little over $70, we could have a party that included toy bags, a happy meal, a birthday cake, games, and unlimited time in their playplace. They even provide a host.

I suddenly remembered my own birthday party at McDonald's. I think I was 5 at the time. Back then, McDonalds had basements where they threw their parties. They had no playplaces but had a host who led the kids through several party games. I remember I had a lot of fun.

So, this year my kid gets Micky D's. Fortunately, this is his last year in preschool. Next year, he'll be going to school in the ghetto where his classmates will think a hotdog and a piece of cake is a rich folk birthday party.

I've included pictures of each of Saw's parties (that I could find) and even one from mine in the basement of McDonald's in Tupelo, Mississippi.

Now, I've got to think of what I'm actually going to get him for his birthday!