Return of the Candy Man.

It's been over 10 years since I've been out looking for Candy.

The candy has changed over the years but finding it has stayed the same.

I didn't set out looking but just happened to be driving home from church a couple of weeks ago and decided to take a short-cut through a suburban neighborhood.

It was trash night and everyone had their big green cans pulled down to the side of the road.

In front of one can was a fax machine and 2 twin beds. I'd been looking for some rails for a bed I already have so I stopped to see if maybe the beds beside the road had rails that would fit it.

Much like smoking that one taste of crystal meth, I was hooked. But I didn't know it yet.

The bed frames didn't work but the next week, I took the same detour through the same neighborhood, knowing it was trash night.

This time, however, my trip was more fruitful. I found 2 bicycles in good condition. I didn't really need bicycles. In fact, I couldn't even use them due to the size and gender of the make, but I hated to see them just thrown away like that.

Later down the road I saw a kitchen table with 4 matching chairs. It just so happened that my caneback chairs were wearing out and these matched my table. So I threw the chairs on the back of the truck and hurried back around to the driver's door before anyone saw me.

Too late. Mom, Dad, and junior were standing at the glass storm door making binoculars out of their hands and watching that crazy man in the pick-up gathering up their trash. The Sanford and Son tune went through my head as I humbly placed my face in my chest and sped away. Hope it isn't someone I know from church, I thought.

The joy of finding the chairs overcame my embarrassment and I was truly excited when I arrived home. I grabbed one of the chairs from the truck, careful not to break it, and rushed into the house with it.

I wanted to inspect them and make sure they weren't damaged before I showed my wife. They weren't and I excitedly ran to the room where my wife was watching television and folding laundry.

"Come ear baby" I whisper/shrieked. My son heard me and climbed out of his bed, scratched his head, and said "Where is dem chairs come from, daddy?"

I didn't tell him. But he jumped right up in the chair and had an expression like he had just jumped in a Rolls Royce.

"Where did you get those chairs, honey?", my wife asked.

I told her--half fearful of her reaction--and she was impressed, though I did see a trace of concern in her eyes.

The next week I expanded my search.

You have to know the right neighborhoods to find candy. Otherwise, you'll waste a lot of valuable time. And time is important. There are a lot more candy men out there than you would think. So not only do you have to know where and when to search but you need to be able to quickly tell whether something is really just trash or might be worth something. That takes practice. A good truck also comes in really handy.

Here's a few pointers:

WHERE

Don't go to rich neighborhoods. These folks know the value of a dollar and they are stingy. That's how they got so rich in the first place. They aren't going to throw out ANYTHING if they can sell it for a dime.

Don't go to townhomes or condo's. These folks don't have anything to throw away and what they do have is generally as disposable and short term as their living arrangment.

Don't go to poor folk's homes. Their trash is worse than the stuff you already have. If it was worth anything, it would be in their yard sale.

That leaves middle-class wide open. Generally, newer developments are better than older neighborhoods. The people that typically live in these houses want everything in their life to be new. Therefore, as soon as something has lost it's luster, they are ready to throw it out. That's where I come in.

WHEN

Generally, about an hour after it has gotten dark on trash night. You don't want it to be so early that you get there before the candy does. That's easy to do because, for some reason, people like to wait until the last minute to throw something out. My theory is that they don't want it but they don't want anybody else to get it either. People are selfish buttmunches. What can I say?

So generally they wait until it is after supper time and good and dark before they throw it away. They'd wait until later but they want to be able to slip into something more comfortable and not have it hanging over their head all night.

It works out pretty well because you don't really want to be seen in the daylight going through their trash anyway.

On the other hand, you don't want to get there so late that you're just looking at the leftovers from the other candy hunters.

I have one neighborhood that I like to call the "candy shop". I never go home disappointed.

Last night I grabbed 2 metal yard torches, a barber chair, a bench press weight lifting set, about $80 worth of unopened ClosetMaid organizers , shelves, and brackets (I'll be taking those to Home Depot for a store credit), a toddler basketball goal, a little tykes wagon, 2 plastic doghouses, a battery-powered Hummer and more. For about $2 in gas and the last remaining drop of my pride.