Thursday, March 30, 2006

The song sent for Steve

Trusted with little, then given a lot.
The Word is, has been, and will be
the promise you've got.
you may feel all alone
but you really are not.
Look above.

Stairing into heaven
a tear drop fell down.
He wore welts, nails and bruises
and even a crown
when you're hurting and thinking
that He's not around
Look above

He is love
He'll talk to you (he's your best friend)
He is love
He'll walk with you ( just let him in)
He is love
He'll see you through (until the end)
He is love.

Knock and the door will be
opened to thee.
Knock and you will be
handed the key
to unlock your redemption
and set yourself free
look above.

You trust him a little
he'll give you a lot
His Word is, has been and will be
even when we are not
you may think you're alone
but you've really got
all His love.

He is love
He will forgive you (all of your sins)
He is love
He will carry you (through thick and thin)
He is love
He will stay with you (until the end)
He is love.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Step one.

My internship in hell's infirmary began with a familiar face. I recognized him right away as David Duchovny. He looked the same as I remembered him from my earthly life except there was no happiness in his countenance anymore.
There was a vague glimmer of relief, however. He was moving on from his post as courier for Hell's main entrance for incoming patients--for which he was training me--to an unknown fate. In a job where every day is an eternity, any change is a relief.

"Welcome to hell" he stated plainly in his usual deadpan brilliance. There could have been no better actor for the part. His statement would have been funny had I not seen his eyes when he said it. There was absolutely no pride in his salutation. No attempt to impress. No upstaging. No sarcasm. Hell had robbed him of any of those kinds of delicasies.

I couldn't help but question the odds of me, ending up in hell, and the first person I encounter is a famous actor. In a way, I felt a tinge of privilege of being trained by Agent Mulder himself. That feeling would pass as he showed me the ropes of the job he was relinguishing.

We stood in what looked like a basement trash dump. Above, below and to each side were cement walls. There were no windows or doors. Black plastic bags filled to capacity were stacked everywhere except where I was standing. I could see well enough but there was absolutely no evidence of light.

"What's in the bags?" I questioned.

"Don't mind these" David said as he reached and threw a bag from one pile to another. There was no sense of accomplishment in the task.

I was eager to impress my teacher and jumped in right away and began tossing the bags as he had done although I didn't know why he was tossing the bags from one pile to the other. David simply shrugged his shoulders, turned, and dove headfirst into the bags--leaving me wandering what he was thinking. I was certain of three things. He didn't appreciate or unappreciate my gesture. He didn't care anymore. And if I didn't follow him, I would be stuck in this room, alone, forever. Facing that prospect, I jumped into the closing hole between the trash bags where he had just disappeared.

In the blackness, I felt the bags press against me. They were neither warm nor cold. I realized that I really couldn't feel temperature at all. Something in the bags was moving, squirming . I envisoned blood and intestines twisting around inside. With my outstretched hands, I could feel David's feet moving just ahead of me. At first I thought we were crawling towards some unseen exit at the bottom of the bags. Then I realized that it wasn't so much that we were crawling as it was that the bags themselves, in their gyrating motions, were moving us towards something. There was dread without fear at the thought of where we were going.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

the grin




Eager indifference
infects your goodbyes
As soon as I leave here
the circus arrives
red cherry lollies
and flawless blue skies

Don't let it happen again.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

gay wedding reception

the airshow was a disaster.
the stuntgirl
got her leg a little too close
to the propeller.
poor Peggy
stood there on one leg
looking beautiful
before looking down.
she didn't want to do it
that way
but i kept on trying
anyway.
i wanted to please
the groom and groom
none of them will speak to me
anymore.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

the other realm



Okay. I admit it. As much as I try to keep an open mind, when people start talking about their encounters with the supernatural (ufo's, ghosts, telepathy, esp, prophetic visions), I always think they are lying for attention. I also tend to lose respect for them.

It's not that I don't believe there is another realm of things we don't see or understand. I just don't believe their stories are very credible. Maybe it's because people try to embellish things too much to make a good story. I don't know.

That being said, I've had some experiences that I think fall into that realm. They almost always occur in my dreams but a few have happened while I was awake. They are rarely obvious until later examination or some event happens that makes them hit home.

I don't believe dreams are just reflections of things that are in our subconcious. At least not my dreams. I believe they are a gateway to another level of the universe--another level of spiritual conciousness--that we cannot visit with our earthly bodies. I believe the places we visit in our dreams are very, very real. This level of the universe does not follow rules of time and reality as we know them. It is beyond our understanding and comprehension. Our world and the dream world do share some very recognizable aspects, however.

Often our dreams mock what we consider our real lives. They often involve earthly events, people and places that we recognize. But they are not the same. They are not solid but liquid.

Other times we may dream of places we've never been, fantastic worlds rich in color and enormous landscapes that would be impossible to achieve in our world.

Ever wonder why we forget our dreams after we awake? Ever wake up and have a clear picture of a dream but by lunchtime can't remember a single detail? My theory is that we would go mad if we could remember all the details and forgetfulness is a protection from God.

Let me give you a few examples and I'm sure I'll share more in the future. These are not embellished and therefore may not impress you.

Early Wednesday morning, I dreamed that a young lady had died. I recognized her but could not tell from where I knew her. In my dream there was a open-casket visitation on the sidewalk outside where I work. I walked down with my co-workers to view the body.I felt tremendously sad. Still, I did not recognize the lady. She had dark hair and was very attractive but I did not know her face. I did notice that her feet had been torn away and only jagged flesh remained at her ankles. As I stood beside her looking at her dead body, she suddenly began to move and looked as if she was attempting to climb out of the coffin. She was still dead but it was as if she didn't want to be.

The next day, I was going through some papers and came across an obituary for a lady friend of mine. When I read the obituary, I discovered that she had died, on a Wednesday, almost exactly one year ago. The young lady in the casket did not look like the woman I knew -- she was much older when she died. But I knew right away that the woman in the casket was her, only younger. Subconcious? Possibly. I don't believe that.

Here's one more example. Explain this as subconcious. When I was young, probably 4 to 5 years old, I saw the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center on television at my grandmother's house. It was the first time I think I had ever seen them. I was immediately filled with dread and terror looking at the two towers. Several times over the next few years I had nightmares about those towers. The nightmares only involved the towers standing there, often with a reddish tint enveloping them and an almost choking, ominous feeling. These dreams occurred when I was probably between the ages of 4 and 7. I realize now that the WTC was constucted around the time I was 2 or 3 and perhaps the broadcast I saw was showcasing the finished product.

The dreams stopped but every time I would see those towers (which I admit wasn't very often) I would remember those dreams and the dread that came with them.

Then September 11th happened and everything took on a completely different meaning. Subconcious? Yeah right. Coincidence? Maybe.

You don't believe me do you? You think I'm lying. But I know I'm telling the truth.

I guess the only problem with dreams is that we have absolutely no control or true knowledge of them and no way to obtain any more knowledge. We aren't really meant to understand them. They exist for a purpose. I think it will all become clear one day. If you pass over before I do, would you come visit one time and let me know?

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

the new equation



Deserted on earth
we are burdens
at birth
Institutionalized
and
hypnotized
programmed to hurt.

Mum goes to work.

Invented to sin
our beginning
is end
Institutionalized
and
prepped to die
by insensitive
men

Abandoned children.

The new Equation.