Don't look away

When my son was just 3 months old, he was diagnosed with plagiocephaly. Basically, one side of his head was abnormally flat because he preferred to sleep on one side.

We visited a specialist at a Winston-Salem hospital to find out how to correct the problem.

While waiting in the doctor's office, I noticed many small children who had facial disformities. Some were worse than others.

It was hard to look at these children. My natural instinct was to turn away. I felt uncomfortable and didn't know what to say.

In order to correct Sawyer's problem, he was required to wear a helmet at all times for 6 weeks.

Before his head grew flat, Sawyer became accustomed to the attention he received from strangers we would encounter while we were out and about. The people we'd encounter would ooh and ahh over him, tell him how cute he was, and talk baby-talk with him.

After he started wearing his helmet, we would still go out to the same places. But people would shy away from approaching Sawyer. They were like me in the visiting room. They didn't know what to say. They felt uncomfortable. So they didn't say anything. They looked away. They avoided eye contact with us, his parents.

I could tell that Sawyer didn't understand. I could tell he missed the attention. I missed the light in his eyes that came from being adored. It hurt me deep in my heart for my son.

All of this taught me a powerful lesson.

All children and people, whether they are beautiful and able, or scarred and disabled, like to be loved.

After my experience with Sawyer, I've made a special point to notice children who are handicapped or have a physical ailment. Instead of following my natural instinct to turn away, I approach these kids and their parents and make a special point to lavish praise and adoration on them. No matter what the ailment, I can always find something beautiful to be praised.

My first test came with a little girl in the mall who was a quadriplegic. She sat in a specially designed chair. She could not move in anyway. She couldn't speak or smile. But she was absolutely beautiful.

I approached her and remarked to her and her mom about how pretty she was and how cute her outfit was. She couldn't respond but her eyes lit up with happiness. Her mother and I spoke for several minutes about how sweet this little girl was in front of the little girl. I could tell it meant as much to her mom as it did to the little girl. It was like 100 pounds was lifted from her shoulders, and mine.

All children are beautiful and loved in God's eyes, and it should be no less for us.

I have had many similar encounters since that one and each time I've made the effort to pay special attention, it has been a rewarding experience. I could actually see the pride and confidence grow in the child and their parents and siblings. For that one moment, they felt loved and appreciated.

It's really amazing the power we have to make people feel good if we only have the courage to try.

Better Petter

While we're on the subject of animal cruelty.......

From the time I was an infant until the time I was 5, I lived in Tupelo, Mississippi.

It's amazing what adventures you can have at such a young age.

Across the street from our home, a mildly retarded boy named Rusty (or was it Dusty?) lived with his mom and dad. I don't remember much about Rusty's mom except she spoke with a very shrill voice and always spoke in a patronizing voice to Rusty. (Grown-ups really were like the ones on Charlie Brown from my 5-year old perspective)

Rusty was probably around 12 years old when I knew him. Rusty and I were about the same age mentally. In the picture above, Rusty's house is in the background. I know it has a fence and that doesn't jibe with this story, but this story is the Truth.

Rusty loved puppies.

I loved puppies too.

Whenever Rusty would get a new puppy, he'd always come knock on my door and ask my mom if I could come to his house and play with him.

We didn't have any puppies, so it was a big event for me. I'd go over to Rusty's house and we'd have a grand old time playing together with the new pup. At that time, there was nothing better than a big puppy licking me all over the face. Even then, I thought puppies smelled bad. But it was a good stink.

Rusty's puppies had one problem. They always wanted to follow me home. Was it because I was a better petter? Was it that they somehow realized Rusty wasn't normal? Was it the potted meat on my breath? Those questions will never be answered. Especially by the puppies.

Usually, within a week or two of a new puppy's arrival, they would start trying to come to my house on their own. Usually, within days of that, they would end up as road-kill.

I remember after going through about 4 or 5 dead puppies, Rusty/Dusty got really mad at me. Well, as mad as a gentle, retarded kid could get. He told me he didn't want me to play with his puppies anymore. I didn't understand. I was just 5.

I protested and said it wasn't fair. I remember the sun beating down and me standing in Rusty's shadow. His face turned red and contorted into something that resembled an adult expression. He said "Foddow me".

He took me around to the back of his house. That is someplace I'd never been before. As we turned the corner, I saw something but didn't know what it was. There were sticks coming out of the ground, and rocks set up as markers in neat little rows. Several of the rocks and stick markers had fresh dirt in front of them where someone had dug a crude hole.

"This is dware all by puppies are buried", he said.

I remember feeling a chill. It is the first time I can remember every being creeped out.

There must have been 30 - 40 gravesites in Rusty's backyard.

Could I have been responsible for all of those? I told my mom about them. She told me to stay away from Rusty.

End of Story.

Last night's dream

I was with the devil
On earth
And she was in love (TAKEN) with me
As we walked
Through the big buildings of the city
The inhabitants
Were tortured and their blood
Became a river
And I saw a man’s privates pinched off
And bleeding.

This woman, Lucifer, was large and beautiful
And walked in pride
A burning hunger and a smile
She wanted me to join her – spread her arms out wide-
said she’d give
Me anything I asked for.
I told her to get rid of all the light in the world
So I would not see
The horrors she was committing.

She began her task,
Fighting to darken every light
The theaters and the courthouses
The city streets and the churches
The powder rooms and the pool halls
She hurried everywhere and left
Blackness all around.


She became unaware of where I was
And I escaped to the madhouse.
There I learned Chinese and the man
Who taught me rowed me in his boat.
and told me stories of the devil
And the fish.
And promised me safe passage to hell.

He was very unhappy and cried a lot
Along the way
But he seemed willing
To face his fears to get me
To the place below.
The times were dangerous
And I could not rest.

The devil continued her quest
To destroy the light of the earth
And to my amazement,
the blood washed away
Cars in the street.

But the Chinese man had a secret
An ancient Chinese secret.
We were going to destroy hell
And teach the devil a lesson.

He asked me if I was hungry
And presented me with some dried
Stinking Sea Creature and a woman
To help feed me.
“Eat!” “Eat!” “This journey will require
much of your strength.”


I squirmed and wrestled from the woman with the rotted thing
Rocking the boat caused her to fall overboard.
She did not scream, but sank quietly into the depths.
And I stopped my fighting, before almost
Sinking us for sure.


And I heard a roar very close behind us.
I turned to see where the sound was coming from
And saw the devil
In full stride
Furious
And closing the distance
She was angry I had left
And far behind her I saw light pouring from the city
And knew she had failed in her task.

The Chinese skipper pumped the oars harder and harder.
Sweating and swearing and checking over his shoulder
Frantically trying to will the boat to move faster.
“Stop Running” I shouted to make him understand,
but I could no longer speak Chinese
and he only rowed stronger.

I looked back at the devil and saw the anguish in her eyes.
As we neared the gates of hell
I pulled the package from my pocket.
It nearly came out of my hands in the hot wind and sulfur blowing against us.
I reached as far back as my hand would go and hurled the object through
The gates and into the darkness of hell.

This one creeps me out

October is an old land.
Chilled winds and fire escapes.
Breathing for the first time

Screams of trains
Goblin faces
Kissing dry chapped lips
Dreams pull fast
the curtain falls

Stay and never grow old.
Say we’ll never go cold.

My favorite picture of little stinker......ever

Heaven Leigh

This is Sawyer with his girlfriend Heaven Leigh. He's too busy a courtin'. (Actually, he was trying to find a way to throw Heaven Leigh off that Barbie Jeep so he could ride.

It isn't that I don't have anything to write. I have too much to write.

The reason I haven't posted more is that my thoughts are 1,000,000,000 jumbled images and its hard to confine them to a single purpose or thought.

I have a lifetime behind me and, hopefully, a lifetime ahead. So, I'm just letting it flow. I don't have time to edit. I can't spend all my time making sure I'm telling the best story. I've still got to live a life, remember. I'm just going to tell the truth.

I've got stories to tell. I think crazy thoughts all the time. So, from this moment forth, I'm sticking it out there. Unrefined ranting, if you will.

What do I have to lose? I mean, besides the 4 or 5 people who tune in here from time to time, that is.

I want you to know me. I don't want to go away and leave these thoughts unsaid.

Here we go!